I was due to do a photo shoot which has been booked for several weeks. This morning I got up to get ready for the shoot, and as I was just about to head out of the front door, I was unable to find my car keys. I searched until it became impossible to get to the shoot on time, and then was forced to ring the photographer to say that even if I found them, I would be ridiculously late. They never did turn up. I can't understand what on earth can have happened to them in between entering the house yesterday, and leaving the house this morning - but they have most definitely, mysteriously vanished and I'm now awaiting a locksmith to come and replace the key for £125. Sigh.
As a model, I offer a 'no risk guarantee' which states that if I ever cancel a photo shoot on the day, I will offer another shoot free of charge. I have never had to use it until today, but I suppose you just can't plan for everything. The photographer was very understanding, but I still feel frustrated and angry, and I really hate to let people down - particularly for no good reason! I suppose the keys will turn up somewhere ridiculous in six months time, and I will no doubt see the funny side. I'm still struggling to find this funny at the moment! I can't really afford the additional expense or loss of work at the moment, either. Hey ho.
Anyway, this puts me in mind of some self-portraits I took earlier this year, when I was generally 'in a darker place.' Don't worry, I snapped out of it pretty quickly, but I find the process of taking self-portraits somewhat cathartic, particularly when in a heightened emotional state (whether high or low). Fear not, I am not a crazy person - I'm just an artist, and we all have our moments. These are not intended to be 'beauty shots,' I wanted gritty, grainy realism. (Yes, I'm not even sucking my stomach in!) They were taken in my then-unfinished bathroom which was in the process of being renovated. It's finished now, but I hope the incomplete surroundings add to the emotional rawness of these photos.
You can also view some other self-portraits I took earlier that I'm particularly proud of, just to prove that my work isn't always quite so anguished.